Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
