im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
