I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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