Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
