why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
