break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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