I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
