dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
