I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
