I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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