So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
