just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
