guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
