i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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