told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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