The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
someone owes me an orgasm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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