Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Less talking, more tequila
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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