I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
