grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
