you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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