what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize