i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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