He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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