Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
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I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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