get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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