If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Farmville is her only friend.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
