I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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