I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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