Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
