You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
