i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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