umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
