Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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