im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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