I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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