it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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