didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
