Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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