i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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