I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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