Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
