Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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