Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
