Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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