The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
