Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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