if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
