you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
