and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
