hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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