told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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