The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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