WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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