I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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