just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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