do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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