i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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