As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
